The Handkerchief Flirting Code

My great-grandmother was born just before the start of the Civil War and so spent her teens in the postwar decade. Courtship was much more ritualistic in those days, and while I hate to think of my grandma as a flirt, I’ve seen photographs of her as a young girl, and there was a definite twinkle in those eyes beneath the long brown curls. Among her belongings was a notebook containing full instructions on the art of handkerchief flirting to send myriad signals to a hopeful suitor.

For those who might like to recall how a “nice” girl could meet a “nice” boy, here are Grandma Libby’s Handkerchief Flirtations.

The Handkerchief Flirting Code

Drawing across the lips: I am desirous of an acquaintance. Drawing across the eyes: I am sorry. Drawing across the cheek: I love you. Drawing across the forehead: We are watched. Drawing through the hands: I hate you. Dropping: We will be friends. Folding: I wish to speak with you. Letting it rest on the right cheek: Yes. Letting it rest on the left cheek: No. Letting it remain on the eyes: You are cruel. Opposite corners in both hands: Wait for me. Over the shoulder: Follow me. Placing it on the right ear: You have changed. Taking it in the center: You are too willing. Twirling in both hands: Indifference. Twirling in left hand: I wish to be rid of you. Twirling in right hand: I love another. Twirling around forefinger: I am engaged. Twirling around third finger: I am married. Flirting at your side once: You’re a flirt. Flirting at your side three times: Go to the Devil. Flirting over the head: Go to thunder. Putting in the pocket: No more at present. It was an intricately subtle language. Pity the poor chap who didn’t know how to decode it. Excerpt from “Grandma Libby’s Handkerchief Flirtations,” Yankee Magazine, February 1987.

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